


when i knew you

by thebeasknees



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Gen, So much angst, This is gonna sting, but only kind of, jared is pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:09:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27187756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebeasknees/pseuds/thebeasknees
Summary: When I knew you.OR: When Jared knew him, and when he realized he didn't anymore.
Relationships: Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	when i knew you

When I knew you, I knew of all the things. 

  
  


Everything. 

I knew the creaks in your bedroom floor, and I knew your bedsheets. I noticed the stickers above your bed and the glow up stars when I slept over. Twenty two. Twenty two, that's how much there were. The ninja turtle night light that we used to sit next to when the monsters in the closet were getting just a bit too close.

  
  
  


When I knew you, you had a gap in your teeth, scarcely under moisturized knees, and rough, small hands. 

You used to climb the trees in my backyard since there were none in yours, and your favourite animal was a dinosaur. My Mom made us dino shaped cookies once, and your face lit up so horribly bright that it made me wince.

I also knew the things that even you didn't know.

Like I knew your eyes and I knew how your leg twitches randomly when you were even  _ slightly  _ happy about something. How you looked to me and gave me That look, a look that only belonged to me. So warm and so soft and so welcoming, like you trusted me, like you loved me.

And I also knew when I'd lost you.

Your bedroom floor suddenly had no creaks, because I couldn't find them anymore. I used to know your floor, I had it memorized, when had it disappeared from my memory? 

Your bed sheets don't smell like they are yours anymore. Like you don't even sleep in your bed. It used to smell of Evan, of you, but now they smell dull and cold and not Evan.

The stickers have been picked from above the bed. All your glowy stars have been torn from the ceiling, leaving little marks in its absence. Twenty two. Twenty two marks. The nightlight is gone.

  
  


Your gap has closed. Strangely, you don't wear the shorts that you used to- long, khaki colored pants are all you wear now.

You used to be good at climbing trees, you used to never fall, you used to go all the way to the top with no problem. I guess you don't do that much anymore, since you fell from one.

How did you fall from one?

  
  


And.. Now I see how you look at me.

Worried. Hesitant. Like I'm going to  _ hurt  _ you, like I  _ have  _ hurt you, like I'm not safe anymore. But what stings even more, Evan, is that.. You look at me like you look at everyone else. You look at me like you look at teachers, you look at me like you look at your students and at the lunch ladies and your own  _ Mother.  _

I thought I was special.

I thought I had a look that was just for me.

What do I have to do to get it back?

What do I have to do to know you again?


End file.
